A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had the habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen.

He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking, and fired a shot into the ceiling.

"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness.

No one answered.

"Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas."

Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse had been returned to the post.

He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say pardner, before you go…what happened in Texas?"

The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."

Did you hear about the scuba diving geologist who has made it his business to measure the relative sizes of the rises, drops, cavities
and undulations of coral formations? Of course this can only
be done in the summer months so he takes the winters off to
avoid the frigid air.

You may tag him as a frost-free reef ridge rater.

A lady opened her refrigerator and saw a rabbit sitting on
one of the shelves.

"What are you doing in there?" she asked.

The rabbit replied: "This is a Westinghouse, isn't it?"

The lady replied, "Yes…"

"Well," the rabbit said, "I'm westing."

A violent sneeze heaved a mass of gunk over the MacBook Air's keyboard. Very messy. Fortunately the Uppercase Premium keyboard cover caught the lot, it was just a matter of removing the cover, washing & drying it. $25 well spent. Good insurance.

I used to have a Moshi cover which was 0.2 mm thick, but I lost that one somewhere, no idea where. This new one is even thinner.

I'm no tailor, that's for sure but I've just salvaged a pair of black sweatpants & some grey shorts. the former had a burn hole & the latter a tear. Fixing was via similarly-coloured iron-on patches on each side of the fabric. It's not pretty, wasn't done properly but it has worked.

The mighty hunter is on the case. There's a mouse loose in the house & Mittens the cat is trying to get at it. But the little bugger is in a tight inaccessible spot.

I was named after everyone who is older than me.

Found where I'd hidden the RF remote control power outlets & the controller. I have four outlets, two are high-power (240v @ 2400 watts) the other two are for lights & have a dimmer circuit built in. But that doesn't work properly with my preferred LED lights, it flickers continually & never actually shuts off. It's OK with halogen bulbs, though.

Various apps can do it. GoodReader is one but my favourite would be Documents 5 by Readdle. See https://fnd.io/#/au/search for other possibilities.

She wants a guy who is 'funny & spontaneous', yet I tap on her window uninvited at night dressed as a clown, and it's all screams & sirens.