Dear American novelists: stop it. If you mean "discomfort," then use that word. "Discomfit" is ugly in this context and "discomfiture" should be hung, drawn & quartered, burnt at the stake, boiled in oil and shunned. It's both excessive & unnecessary.

Nothing strange about that at all. It's snail mail!

Which fool called it a jet ski instead of a boatercycle?

There's a new razor designed for dyslexics.

It's the best thing since sliced beard.

I was going to post a really funny joke, but ottokorrupt ruined the lunchtime.

Hello you've reached my voice mail.

Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn't be done over text.

How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask them to pronounce unionised.

One of the boys in my English class has bought a Harry Potter replica wand.

I find this ironic, as he's dyslexic, and therefore can't spell

I told myself I should stop drinking…

But I’m not about to listen to some drunk who talks to himself.

Just seen that there's a nudist convention on in town next week…

Might go if I've got nothing on.