It's the waiting that gets to me. I'm expecting the Apple Store to send me an email in 3 days saying my iMac is ready for pickup. Such anticipation!
Found a box of Viagra last night.
Bloody things didn't work
Turns out they're past their swell by date.
How many ears does Captain Kirk have?
Three.
A left ear, a right ear and a final front ear.
I made the mistake of asking Siri "What do women want?"
My iPhone's not stopped talking for three days.
My therapist set down half a glass of water, asked if I was an optimist or a pessimist.
I drank the water & told him I was a problem solver.
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains gives me hope for our next generation.
I can't stand it when people don't know the difference between your and you're.
There so stupid.