I was going to post a really funny joke, but ottokorrupt ruined the lunchtime.

Hello you've reached my voice mail.

Please leave your name, number and a damn good reason why this conversation couldn't be done over text.

How do you tell the difference between a plumber and a chemist?

Ask them to pronounce unionised.

One of the boys in my English class has bought a Harry Potter replica wand.

I find this ironic, as he's dyslexic, and therefore can't spell

I told myself I should stop drinking…

But I’m not about to listen to some drunk who talks to himself.

Just seen that there's a nudist convention on in town next week…

Might go if I've got nothing on.

I used to play the triangle in a reggae band but left because it was just one ting after another.

I believe the Bureau of Meteorology uses Actual sunrise/sunset times.

About a month ago this MBA was having trouble with Safari, would take at least 31 bounces in the dock before it opened, unless I used another app to clear Safari's cache.
This morning Safari totally refused to work at all.
This was a worry but a restart fixed the problem.

It was three minutes after the time various apps assured me was sunrise that Night Shift decided to deactivate.