I bought a book on eBay called, 'How to scam idiots on eBay'…

That was 3 months ago, and it's still not arrived yet.

Doesanyoneknowwhatthelongbuttonatthebottomofthekeyboardisfor?

I saw Michael J Fox at a garden centre the other day. Recognised him straight away, he had his back to the fuchsias.

I saw an Apple Store being robbed. I've been detained as an iWitness.

Interesting dinner tonight: Tandoori chicken pizza from ALDI.

"Hello, it's Mike from Telstra headquarters," insisted a person with a very definite Indian/Sri Lankan accent.
"Telstra headquarters‽" I exclaimed. "Yes……" he tried to continue. "Wow!" says I. "I've never had a call from Telstra HQ! Not even when I worked for them for 31 fucking years! Fuck off!"
Then I hung up the phone.

I now have a screaming mother's bitch of a headache. #ThrobFuckenThrob.

Almost 6 am, I have managed a reasonable amount of sleep without gastric reflux or nasal congestion interruption.

Damn. A return bout of dermatitis on my hands. This means a minimum of four digits with bandaids in five affected areas.